Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
