shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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