So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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