this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
