so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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