you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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