Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
