I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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