You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
