Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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