why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
