I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
