Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
