fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
