she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The beers last night were like the tears from god
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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