I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
