I didn't shave. On purpose
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
