Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
