I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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