so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
