Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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