my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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