and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
