He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
