problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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