just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
