I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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