There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
