i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
