Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
