he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
