happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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