Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
