Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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