So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
