i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
