So drunk its hurt
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
