Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
