David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
