you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
