I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I wear drunk well.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
