I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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