i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize