Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
