stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
