can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize