i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
