but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
