why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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