tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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