i need an iv and a liver transplant
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
