found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
