she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
