shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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