I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
