I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize