it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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