but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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