She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
