At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
