Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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