Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
