Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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